One Key to a Healthy Relationship You May Have Overlooked
One Key to a Healthy Relationship You May Have Overlooked

The answer? Empathetic disappointment versus critical disappointment.

I worked with a couple who had recently returned from a family vacation up North. This couple, along with their two children set off for an adventure to New York City. The husband, who is mostly busy working, was looking forward to a week away. The wife, who home schools the children was also looking for a nice change of pace and scenery. There were some good times and some less good times on the trip, and one argument which culminated after the family was moving slowly to get to a sightseeing event that the wife had planned and no one else seemed enthusiastic about. Upon their return, their different experiences of the same trip began to emerge. The husband overheard the wife describing New York negatively to a friend, and the wife learned after the fact about the resentment her husband felt about having to come home early for a sporting event for one of the kids. It is the reactions from one to the other about their different perceptions of the trip that is being focused on here, not the differences themselves.

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MarriageJordan PrindleComment
New Year, New You: 3 Strategies to Help You Stick to It
New Year, New You: 3 Strategies to Help You Stick to It

Whether we like to admit it or not, a new calendar year feels like a fresh start, a new opportunity, a clean slate.  We may deny its significance because it is kind of cliche, after all.  New gym memberships skyrocket, new diets are researched, new apps for budget planning are downloaded with high hopes of change and permanent improvements.  But most of us start and stop, experience frustration and shame and spiral down to a whole new “screw it” attitude that has us feeling stuck and powerless.  How do we change that? How do we stick to these well anticipated changes and not slip and slide back to the unhealthy habits but rather continue to grow toward the person we want to be? Here are three helpful hints I’ve come up with if you’re feeling the new year, new you thing.

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Personal DevelopmentJordan PrindleComment
Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. When you just can’t seem to do it right.
Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. When you just can’t seem to do it right.

I had a client come in today describing a very typical “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” scenario he had going on with his wife.  He described his wife as difficult and volatile, and he would do anything to avoid expressing his thoughts and opinions about any subject matter beyond the kids’ schedules so as to avoid the intensity of her reaction.  His perception is, if he doesn’t say a thing in response and just listens and nods, she gets angry that he’s not contributing.  If he speaks up about his view of the situation she gets angry and feels he’s trying to control her.  Her anger is like a hurricane with whipping winds carrying verbal assaults and leaving a trail of trash which can take him days to recover and heal from.  The manifestation of his fear of her comes out in stomach aches and pains that can keep him in bed for days.  His experience is that he works so hard to not upset her and just can’t seem to get it right.  Keep in mind, that while it might be easy to look at her as the problem, the reciprocal nature of the relationship is what keeps him stuck in this line of thinking that he’s backed into an impossible corner.  He does have a part to play in the dynamic, even if it’s just a matter of changing his perception of the situation.  He then frees himself from the corner and isn’t waiting for her to get out of his way.

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Personal DevelopmentJordan Prindle Comment