What if the anger we felt toward another was all just an illusion? Maybe we are never really mad at someone else, but instead, at ourselves for the way we are reacting to them. It’s a little mind bending when you are looking at a picture and you think you know what you are seeing only to feel your eyes and brain shift to seeing something completely different. I had my own ah-ha moment a few weeks ago when I was super outraged at my 10-year old daughter, who was acting impossible. I yelled and I was so angry I wanted her to suffer under the stare of my evil, I’m totally disappointed-in-you glare. I texted my Mom (who in situations like this always seems to calm me down) and I asked her, “When I was a kid and acting terribly, did you feel like you hated me and that I had ruined your life?” Her response shifted my brain and I saw a completely different picture. She wrote back, “Yes, because I felt so bad about myself and my inability to self regulate.” Boom. I wasn’t mad at my daughter. I was mad at myself for jumping on her mood train and crashing into a wall. I had lost my battle at staying calm and thoughtful and in the moment to fearing for her future, feeling as though I had messed up the past by creating this monster and imagining how amazing my life would be if I had decided never to have kids. It was me, angry at myself for loosing control and feeling crazy. Once I read that and my brain snapped in to a different place, I stopped and hugged her and everything melted away. Roll your eyes all you want at my pollyana-ish experience but I definitely felt less angry at her and more forgiving of myself in that moment.
Read More
